Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
