first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize