WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize