so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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