Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize