Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I intend to get homeless drunk
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
