I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
