I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
