i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
