Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
