I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
