How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
