Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
