how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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