you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
