Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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