"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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