So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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