seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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