just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
