I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
