I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize