why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
