He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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