Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize