i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
