She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
