pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
