Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
