I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
