Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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