As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
