I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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