the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
