So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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