4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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