Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
