I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
