My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
please don't ironically join a cult
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