once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize