I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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