Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
