do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
