She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We smell like vodka and hangover
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