just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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