so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize