I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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