Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
there is puke in my bra ... again
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
