worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
