Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
