the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
