My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
