I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize