I love having hate sex.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
