I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
