I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
