All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
