Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
