At least make sure they are 18
Why
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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