dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
