I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize