i just wanna soil my oats bro
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
