Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize