Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
