they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
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