Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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